Now officially a Second year I can look upon my last year and say how good or bad it was. I think it was neither, some grey in-between, its either black or white and i was somewhere in the middle. I had a good start to last year.
Over the summer holidays my productivity rose to new hights and my quality of work in 3d and 2d came with it.
Although my work on these projects had to be cut short, I am still pleased with some of the progression made. My first high to low bake and my first 15k character.
The problems I will and already have began to face this year are responsibility and sacrifices that need to be taken into account. At the moment, I have not sacrificed anything in order to spend more time working, over the past year I have gained many friends which I once had not had and am grateful for. However this also cuts down on the time I can work, I would not like to cut the amount of time I spend with them out at all, so I will have to find other enjoyment to cull. This is primarily, reddit, drunkenness, maybe even documentaries. All things I do enjoy, but are not needed. I almost wish I could stow away and work with no other worldly distraction, but than my work would be dull and lifeless as the moons surface.
The start of my new year has not gotten off to a running start, as I was at fast pace during the summer, untill I had to move, upon which my speed as been reduced to a walk. I think I will continue to walk for the next day or so (A littlel earthly pleasure, before I change the definition of pleasure), than begin a race towards my goal.
I also feel Ive become some what more bitter of recent, this is probably due to a lack of interaction with others over the summer, takes a while for me to get back into the people mood.
My goal for this year, to gain an internship, to visit and draw at every coffee shop in Leicester, to push myself.
Paranoid in Public.
Over the years as I draw people out and bout, coffee shops, pubs and clubs. I have noticed a strange almost paranoid feeling from those I draw and at times, I almost feel as if I shouldn't watch others in public, or even see them as I am trying to do through drawing. The feeling from many can almost make the work of drawing seem almost voyeuristic, but not in the sexual sence, its as if these people are in a bubble, in the public world but in a thin bubble of which ones glance is intruding into their world.
Let me explain.
In order for me to draw people in life, as they are, I need to draw them as they live, not as they pose or want to be portrait, but how I see them at the moment. So I will draw publicly and attempt to capture their life through my eyes, which is difficult if they were just sitting still at the very least.
Others do not share this mind set. Its almost as if the public, should be as private as ones own home.
Lets use example.
A few years ago, I decide to draw a family (a mother, father, two daughters and a son). No harm there. I watch them from a distance not to disturb them. One of the daughters notice me watching them and begins to freak out.
Now a freak out is how I describe someone whos actions become extremely agitated, sharp head movements, worried facical expression, whispering, pointing and sudden abrupt leaving... Oh and this is a good one, communication to others at the table with phones. (Parinoid behaviour in my books.)
Suddenly the father decides to talk to me and see what Im doing, which is fine, this isnt about people seeing my work, so I will stop there.
What I am interested in is why that girl freaked out.
Recently, a flatmate told me that her sister had recently felt " creeped out " by a man drawing her in a coffee shop in London not 2 months ago. Interested I bothered her with more questions. It seemed like this man was just drawing. But to her sister, he was " Weird " "creepy ". So the freak out was over appearance and that such a person with such appearance was looking upon her. If the description of the male was " attractive ", "cute" it would be a much different story.
So. Is the the reason for the freak out. No. What runs through the mind of someone who is being watched? " Why is this person looking at me ", " What are they doing ", " What do they want ", " Who are they. " ext.
I question, "Why do they care?".
This person is in a public place, in a world over ran with people. These people spend time and effort, making themselves look presentable, to go out into the public world. Some women take hours to get ready to leave their private domain. Im assuming they get ready and leave so people will see them, among their daily tasks.
So theres a catch 22 or whatever its called. People want to be seen and noticed. But they dont want to be seen or noticed it would seem through the eyes of an artist. But what annoys me, is they spend this time, they want to be seen and noticed, but when someone watches them for more than just a passing glance, they freak out, or begin to question why someone else is looking upon another person. Do they think I should process every characteristic of that person in just a glance, they may be able to do that, but it takes me alot longer. I'd rather be able to see the seams of a persons boot or the earing a person is waring for longer than a millisecond. So my question is why wont people let some appreciate others for simply being alive, it seems alien to me.
In some places in england, if you look at a someone for longer than a glance, they consider it a threat, questioning ones reasons for simply noticing their assistance. Looking at someone for longer than a glance, some consider flirting, and either freak out or flirt.
Ive also recently figured out why people notice you at all. People need constant stimulation. If what they are stimulated by ( a conversation ) becomes uninteresting, they will begin to glance across the room, for other things to stimulate their minds. From watching others, Ive noticed the type of people who will enjoy their companionship so much they will not notice whats going on around them, and those who are pretending to care, but never stop looking for something more interesting than the person sitting next to them. And whats more interesting than someone you know nothing about, looking at you, with a book.
I could conclude it here, people freak out, because they are bored. Ive also noticed, those that get bored talking to others, often have repetitively boring appearances, the blad man with glasses and laptop, the female fasion students, the business students (theyre easy to point out).
Theres much more on this subject, I always muddle it around in my head, so its harder to get out in text.
Lets just say, how I see it is; If a person is in public, they shouldnt feel afraid to be seen. And hell, Ill probably pay more attention to that person more than anyone else in the room/street.