Self Asesment Preasessment

Tomorrow is assessment, big panic for most, however I am not in a panic. Why? Well that’s simple, I know I haven’t done all the work but even if I had done all the work, I have not done enough work. I realised this as I was painting with acrylics a few days ago. I paint like a child.

Why do I paint like a child in acrylics? Simple, I have not progressed with painting, since I was a child, which was the last time I had used them. I’ve decided that I have to paint atleast once a day, I’ve been quite happily painting in my kitchen while I make my dinner of days. Making an acceptation for it, even though I have a lot of other work, Ive found a weak spot and am trying to correct it.

Wait, why haven’t I progressed with painting since than? Simple, I haven’t done any since than. Thus, like a capsule of the past, I haven’t grown from when I was a child. It’s quite humbling and rather charming, I also feel the same when I see an adult draw like a child. Its not that they can’t draw, its because they haven’t drawn. I’ve also asked why I haven’t become a better artist since last year, the answer is obvious. There is no reason why I should not not the artist I want to be yet. But yet I am not half the artist I want to be. It seems to always be just out of reach, I always question why. But the obvious is usally the hardest to see. Its like your nose, its always there, you can always see it, but at the same time you don’t, your mind blocks it out.

Why havn’t I done all the work? Just the same as everyone else who hasn’t, a lack of devotion to becoming the artist I want to be, not to the course. In a sense the course is just a boat, where as I have to swim to where I want to be, the boat can only take me so far. Distractions are easy and offer an empty reward. Where as studying is hard and offers reward in the future. I’m a patient person, I like waiting for that reward as I know It will be sweeter than any other. But Im weak and there for opt for distraction. That’s why I havnt done as much work as I should.
The only real option for me is to rid myself of all distraction. I’ve been socialising a fair bit, which may have added to my lack of progress. Im not saying its bad that I’ve socialised, I was once a very bitter, depressed person, still being so, but a lot more relaxed about it, it was a good thing. Maybe I should have balance the two better. I don’t really care for playing games or listening to music, so why do I? Im not huge on going out and parties, so why do I? Why should I do things I don’t like? My work isn’t where I want it to be, so what am I going to do?

I digi-paint alot of things by my desk. Its just easier than moving my pc.

I shouldn’t have taken this long for me to realise what I had to do. The fucking work. And than some more.
Im going to do more than what is simply asked of me and its going to count.
After all, its what I want and its what I have to do to get it. I'll stop being a little pussy and take it. The only good quality I have is when I say I'll do something, I do it.

Task 6

Task 6
It seems that most game journalists or reviewers can be attacked by all sides, but the game developers, their peers and by the audience they’re trying to win over. The internet surely doesn’t help the game review magazines, which are basically just buying guides, but is a god send for any Indy game producer, but well get into that later. New game journalism is a good thing, without it we would not know what games are coming out when and if they suit your personal preference of games. They’re basically creating a stir, some games that may not have grown to be popular may have never seen the light of day. New Game Journalism is probably one of the best ways for a new game designer to properly promote their game, with little expense.
Personally, I remember buying game magazines as a kid and they did in fact persuade me to buy one or two games I really enjoyed. Although I wasn’t interested in the rest of the games, its understandable that they have a broad market to sell to. This however was back in the 90s and early 00’s, when internet game reviews were not huge. Back than I believe it really did help sell games to large audiences. My mind frame when buying it was; “I have enough money for one game, I want that game to be a good one.” And magazines helped me with that choice. However now I often just look through gamespot.co.uk and look at the score. I know I shouldn’t, but I do, mainly because all of the text review is dribble, just one persons view of the game. Even when you look at the comments, its just “ I like this game “ or “ This game is shit “, which simply doesn’t help anyone. Everyones view of a game is different, from the journalist to the gamer who plays it. No one knows if you will enjoy a game, they only know what they like and hope you’ll like something similar, its like trying to find a decent prostitute girlfriend, you can never really tell if you like it until you buy it. Than if you don’t sell it to someone else or throw it in the bin.
The main problem with NGJ is that its human and you cant have a robot or android rate a game. Mainly because a human would have to program it to know what games are good. So no matter what you read or do or review, don’t forget the human element that the person reading is not the writer. Basicaly, any kind of journalism is never %100 accurate, so take everything you read with a pinch of salt, or in my case a spoon.
I don’t know how I feel about my own writing. I try to write how I would usually speak, or think in my head. I think that’s the best way to write, but obviously schooling tells you this is wrong and I should write everything exactly the same as everyone else, a brief understanding is all that’s needed I feel. Hay, AtlEasT 1 don’t Tlaksa lhej tis! That’d be terrible. I have been told that I write like a girl in instant messenger. That was from someone WHO TLKS LIK DIS. So either every male types like a retard or I when I had all those nose bleeds last month that was just me menstruating from my nose, who fucking knows.

NSFW - Link to crappy artwork!

....Every now and again I, as an artist, look at others work, as we all should. Its a good thing to do, get some ideas, give some ideas. Even if the artist is better than you or worse, there’s always something you can say above the basic " OMG AWESOME " or " THATS SHIT ", you can always give a good, in-depth comment, that not only can help you understand their work better, but also help the artist with some different methods of going about their task in the future.

That aside. I also look at really, really bad art, just to cheer myself up. Lets not lie here, who doesn’t look at a terrible drawing and go " HAHHH ". If the artist is genuinely trying to improve, they probably wouldn’t have drawn this stuff in the first place. Now would they? No. But its also probably because they dont know how/too stubborn/anxious/lazy/ext to do the things necessary to improving. I look at some really awful work that some kids draw and its reminding me that I too once wanted to become a better artist, but didnt know how and drew these awful monstrosities. And that makes me look at them in a different light.

You just hang in there man, draw every day, make the dream happen you know.

But sometimes I also look at some people I hate (personally)who also want to try to become artists, and notice that they havnt improved at all in 3 or more years. Not a bit, still drawing the same shit. And that makes me happy, It shouldn’t because its out of spite. This is only one or two people I know.

UNTILL TODAY. I found a website with awful art, a collection of it if you will. Deviantart? No, but youre close, alot of it is from there.
If you want a good chuckle at terrible drawings, (Hah, I almost said art), I recommend:
http://fuckyeahterribleart.tumblr.com (NOT SAFE FOR WORK)
But seriously, the title says it all " WHY WOULD YOU DRAW THAT?! "

Seriously, this website, is not safe for work, but is so terrible, you cant even tell what the fucks going on half the time. Seriously, why did they draw that stuff? Why? I dont understand man, I dont understand.

Okay, if you have looked through that website by now. Let me remind you that the world is a beautiful place and being alive in a world full of strange and unique creatures is a good thing.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, TRISTAN?!

I said "The world is a awful place, because its filled with people who clearly dont like reality and wish to ruin it for everyone else. ".

And here is proof.

What the fuck are you doing?! Dont teach them to draw badly, they do that already!

Have a good day.

Games can do good. Even If they are shit. Apparently!

You're in for a ..... ride.... 

Yes, the greatest real life simulator ever created, but never published. It is the ultimate test of patience. It was made for a Pen and Teller game, where they just took the piss out of games in general. Although never published, it was leaked and became oddly popular.
The basic deal of this game is, you drive and bus with no one in it, with no oncoming traffic, forever, back and forth. Any attempt to pause the game sounds the horn (the start button), you cannot pull over, within 15 seconds a toe truck will come and take you back to the begining. You have to stay on the road, you cant leave beacuse your bus turns to the right, so you have to tap left every couple of seconds. And thats the game. After 8 hours of driving, you get one point. At 6 hours and 15 minutes, a bug will hit the windscreen. Thats all the action you will see.

This game has too much gore even for me.

How is this game popular? Maybe because it says so much about trying to emulate life perfectly in games. Who knows. Theres alot to take from such a simple, yet pain in the ass game. I dont think I'll go into the higher aspects of similicity and making something big out of it.

Sorry it's a bit loud, but thats because the game is so FUCKING HARD CORE!!

But some people have!  Now Im not one for helping other people, or caring. But Im just suprised that people are achualy doing this, with such a dick of a game. I think It has to be noted.
Desert Bus: For Hope. Is a charity based event (the 4th anual desert bus-off), that raises money to give hospitalised children games to play. Pretty touching. Well not really. But the fact of the matter is, people will play this god awful game for days, DAYS, non-stop. And get a huge cash pool going so others can play games when theyre sitting idle in bed. Pretty sweet. Too bad its american. But hay, who cares.
At the time of posting this they've been driving non stop for 14 hours. I could barely stand 15 minutes of video.
Not only do they play for insane amounts of time, they also live stream it, so you can get in on the, action? I dont know.
Check it out.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/content/DesertBusForHope

Task 5

My personal gaming history.

Well, it would seem that games have been around somewhere throughout my life. Being born in the generation of half decent games,  games would be a big part of it.

The earliest memory I have is of playing pac-man, I had no idea what I was doing but I remember the bright colours on a old computer screen. I don’t know what I thought of it back then.

However, years later, when I was roughly 5, maybe 6, my parents bought me a Game Boy for my birthday. Getting this 5 or more years since its release in 1990, (I thought it was brand new and amazed by its thick block design. It wasn’t retro than but It looked cool.) set the trend for how I would get my other consoles, many years after their release. Not only because they’re cheaper, but because they often upgrade. So yes, the first console that was personally mine was a Game Boy. I remember playing it so much the music to the games would get stuck in my head and I could hear it as clear as day, having to check back to make sure the console was off. I also remember how it would hurt my eyes. When I go back home for Christmas, I think Ill collect it again and review this 4 Battery brick, to remind myself.

(Damn, youre ugly. Also Ive seen this in person in NY, its legit.)

Roughly around this time I also remember playing the Nintendo Entertainment System, more, my brother playing and me watching. I’d get bullied a lot by him so I could only really play games when he was not. I do remember playing Super Mario Bros (and Super Mario Land for the Game Boy), mainly because I could never complete them. At all. Along with every other NES game, I could never complete them. I never have.

The Super Nintendo Entertainment System also ruled my world, mainly because of one game. Super Bomberman. Super Bomberman, is and always will be one of the greatest games there is; its simple, story mode had lots of interesting monsters and bosses, upgrades, genderless graphics. If I could get one game and recreate it for other 7^th gen consoles. This would be it, I would reproduce it in such a way that no feeling would be lost. Its charm was in its 16 bit sprites, sound effects, music and simple game play. Qualities of which many modern games have lost. I also remember buying many rental games for the SNES from blockbusters, every game I bought for the SNES was achualy enjoyable. Its like they weren’t even trying to make a good game, because the game would be good. Games of the future should look at the games of the past, instead of the games that some other dick is making and try to copy. Yeah I’m looking at you Medal of Honor, PS3 movment controllers and more!

I also have memories of playing the Sega Megadrive over my uncles house, I only remember playing Sonic and a fighting game. Any other game was just awful.

(Kill the fucking cancer patient, you retarded icecream!)

In 1999, the pokemon craze hit, still with my original Game Boy, I bought Pokemon Blue and my brother Red. It was a fun game than, with no real problems. Funny how looking back at it, it was awful, you couldn’t even run for fuck sake! This controlled a huge part of my life and everyone elses, so its no point in talking about. Only fun point was when I downloaded Japanese Roms of Pokemon Gold and Silver onto my computer and pretended I knew what I was reading.

Around 1999 got a PsOne, about six years after its release, but the good games were rolling out. The only game I feel worth some attention is one Silent Bomber. Its gameplay was that of a Shooter, but instead you used bombs, it had a very tech feel to it. Its funny how some games get it right, but they don’t get asmuch light as they should. Although I would say the story was dry, just the gameplay and concepts were great! Also, the PlayStation controllers got it right, somewhat like the SNES conroler, but with a perfect gaming feel, the butons were easy and control pad worked fine. It sickens me that they want to change it in our age.

Anyway, years gone past playing Jade Cacoon on the Ps1. I got my very own PS2. It was pretty sweet, although I never bought any other games than the ones I got with it. Basicaly Ive played Resident Evil Outbreak for some 6+ years. Other games like Persona 3 + 4 I loved for the story. I also had an Xbox, of which the game I enjoyed the most was Jet Set Radio Future, a game I got free with buying the Xbox. Its gameplay was that like of Toney Hawks skateboarding, but with rollerbladers, who had to graffiti tag walls.

(Yeah, dance for me, fools.)

And the tagging was good, all the art work for the game blew my mind. Along with the music, which I still listen to today. The character designs were also very sweet. Even though it was stylised it didn’t subtract from gameplay one bit. Other games like Halo, sure were a blast, although I remember the endings pissed me off. Any game that has a “ Too be continued “ should fuck right off. Why? Well look at this. You buy at (than) £25-£30 game (book/movie), you go through all the hardship that is there to go through. Just to be told you have to spend another £25-£30 in another year or more, while you wait for the next to be released. Not cool. But games don’t end at the end, are not worth my time or money. Did games before 2000 do that? No, no they did not.

After all this PS2 and Xbox stuff. I spent most of my time playing online games. The first being Legend of Mir. I played it because of its cool gritty feel, you could get swords and all sorts of spells. The weapon levels were cool also. However it wasn’t until I played Ragnarok Online, which has gone onto be my favourite game of all time, that online gaming became much more than just slaying monsters. It’s a 3D world, with 2D sprite characters and monsters. All superbly designed, the sprites simply look beautiful, the amount of monsters in this game means that grinding does not get boring.

(Look at how much love whent into this sprite! And thats just one of many.)

It doesn’t, theres so much choice. Your character customisation is superior to other games, by simply having a huge number of accessories and hair colours. The build system of this game is out of this world, your character can be what ever you want. They came out with Ragnarok Online 2, which was a HUGE FLOP. I played the Korean beta, they tried to reproduce a generic online game. It didn’t work. However now theyre making it more like the original. Hopefuly.

Simply. After all this gaming, I decided to go back and play older games. I did not continue into the 7^th generation of consoles and games. I have no Wii, Xbox 360 or PS3. Why? Because there are so many games that were amazing in the past, that didn’t even require good graphics. Why didn’t they require good graphics? Because the games foundations were good.

(PK MAIDS! PK MAIDS! MAIDS!!!! I just like maids.)

I played Earthbound a early this year, its story was amazing, it didn’t matter that I couldn’t run. It mattered that random battles were annoying, but I could wave that because I wanted to see what was going to happen to the main character.

Games of today should look at games of the past, which is why I will continue to look at previous games. The main selling point of the games of this generation is its title. I feel its fucking stupid, no ones making good new games, just remakes. Its like they’ve hit a wall, when that happens you have to go backward, to go forward. And by this I dont mean remaking Pac-Man.

TL;DR : I stopped playing games at 6^th gen. I enjoy games before 7^th gen more. I want new games not remake titles.

(Also, if Ragnarok Online 2 Legend of whatever, is good. Im going to fail my course. http://ro-projectrevolution.blogspot.com/  Good God!)
Aslo, dont you feel bad when you realise your perants bought you all these games and things? I do. Oddly enough.

Task 4

History of Gaming, the 2000s.

From 1997 onward the cost of game development skyrockets into the new millennium.  Designers who remade Pac-Man and remakes of Pong which were often made by one or two people, changed to high profit organisations of hundreds.  This was no only due to the growing market, but other factors like Moore’s law, which allowed the creation to faster computers and better technology.

Beyond the 90s arcades had mostly died out, only being found in cinemas and carnival fair frounds. This was because the console war had begun from the 2000s. The beginning of this generations consoles (the sixth generation) started with the Dreamcast in 1998. The Dream cast was the first internet capable games console, however due to miss-haps with piracy among other problems, the Dreamcast was discontinued in 2002.

The Sony Playstation 2 was the next Sixth generation console and went onto be one of the best selling consoles for its generation. Released in the year 2000, the demand for the console sky rocketed, putting a delay on manufacture rates, it sold almost 1,000,000 consoles on the first day of sale in Japan on the 5^th of May 2000. There were few manufacture problems with the console, such as the adaptor catching on fire, if I remember correcty.

Cross-platform gaming also became popular during the 2000s and has continued to become a selling point for game companies. Games such as Grand Theft Auto 3, which was heavily popular from its release in 2001 on the Ps2 and 2002 on the Xbox, allowing the player to buy one console instead of having to buy another to play a game set for that console.

Microsoft entered the gaming market at the end of 2001 with the Xbox, its sale were not great, however it matched that of the Nintendo Gamecube. Its highest selling point was with the game Halo, which went on to become one of the most successful FPS games of all time.

Nintendo released their Nintendo DS and Sony with their PsP in 2004, which began the Seventh Generation of consoles. Nintendo constantly has remade the DS since its creation: The Ds Lite (2006), DSi (2008) and the DSi XL (2009). Where as Sony remade the Psp, to Psp Go in 2009, it being smaller, lighter and fucking expansive.

In 2006 the Xbox360 was released, due to its fast release, it couldn’t meet retail demands. The Xbox 360 has upgraded its model several times since than, each time boosting performance speed and memory. A month after the Xbox 360’s launch, Sony released their Ps3, which its main seeling point was its online gameplay, blu-ray and various multimedia capabilities. It was also the most expansive system for its time.  Around this time the Nintendo Wii was also on the market, its main telling point being its unique method of gameplay and its use of its Wii-mote and motion controle.

Around this time is when the social game archetypes were evolving, which have not been fully analysed, but are well known among the gaming community.  The types of gamers are as follows; Casual, Professional, Hardcore, Newbie, Importer, Retrogamer. Girl gamer is also considered to be a type of gamer, but this is simply an inside joke. Before the 2000s female gamers were unpopular, but since games have been marketed towards a female or genderless audience, it has risen to about equal with male gamers.

This tree of gamers is important, it now means that the publishers can target their games towards how gamers play their games, aswell as the genre of game. So games are becoming more specific to their audience. Nintendo capitalised on this by targeting the casual gamer audience, by creating gimmick games, where theres no real compition and its all a spot of harmless fun.

From 2009, Sony and Microsoft embarrassed themselves by trying to mimic Nintendo’s motion controllers.

Guest Lecture 2

Its pretty good to get a guest lecture from someone in the games industry.
Its a little better to get one you can relate to, there for todays guest lecture was pretty damn good indeed!
We basically got a run through of how we should accept our mistakes and not look to others as compition. Not being the best artist and so on, because " you may be level 2, and hes level four, but youre both going towards level 99 and you can both get there. ", its a metaphore, but its probably better said so instead of something catchy and short.
Ive been through a few of the hoops and it was pretty humbling to see that a few of the things I do can work well. Sometimes people ask me how I go about drawing and I say " I stop caring ", its not that I dont care. If I didnt care I wouldnt be drawing, but so far its been the only way I know to describe how I feel when Im drawing. I stop saying " That HAS to go there and this MUST look like this " and simply say " That goes there and that can follow into that. ". I was talking to a friend about how I go about making my drawings, I wanted to say " Well I just draw what I think Im thinking and see where I can go from there, if something looks cool I will take it and move it along with the rest of the picture ", however what I really said was a jumble of stupid words that made no sence. I dont think it helped.
The lecture reminded me that its all in your head, looking at everyone else and trying to be the best will only demoralise me or anyone else who trys. Not only that, but being the best is more of a curse than a blessing. Which is why a couple years back I stoped the senceless praise, its for attention I know, which is why I stoped and started to crit, saying whats good and whats bad. Often giving others new or different ways of looking or trying things. Most of all, being brutaly honest. I dont get much praise, I never have, but when I do it doesnt give me any drive or feeling, I feel nothing from praise. However getting no commentary, posative or negative,being the worst, or the underdog, I feel so much more. It gives me the drive. " No ones commenting. Why? Maybe I should try something different. They liked this, but didnt like that. I liked this but no one else did. " And so on. When no one comments on anything I do, I question why, no responce is just as good as a ton of responces. The only person I should ever copare myself to is myself. I've said these things before, at times its made me look big headed and a know it all. Which I have never proclaimed to be, but if I was I would have said " I knew you was going to say that! ". But each time I realise it, it gets me closer to this golden enlightenment which I can see my own work for what it is and will be, not what it was or what someone else would have made.

Sometimes I forget these things, Ive gone through them before in the past, but I always have to be reminded. Going off track seems very easy. I had also forgotten it is the journey that matters, what I do along the way doesnt matter, but the big picture does. I guess that could be said about alot of things; games, art; life in general; drugs.
The details do not matter. The skeleton matters.
No matter how I look at it, I'm feeling like no matter what I do, it will work out. I'd say its like a glimmer of hope as I climb the worlds darkest/tallest mountain, but it doesnt seem like a mountain and nothing really seems that dark.

Also, I cheered  myself up about my work the other day. " You can polish a turd. So you can make a crap drawing look fucking good! ". This has its positives and negitives. Positive, it looks good. Negative, its still a piece of shit.
I guess its a middle ground.