Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Guest Lecture 2

Its pretty good to get a guest lecture from someone in the games industry.
Its a little better to get one you can relate to, there for todays guest lecture was pretty damn good indeed!
We basically got a run through of how we should accept our mistakes and not look to others as compition. Not being the best artist and so on, because " you may be level 2, and hes level four, but youre both going towards level 99 and you can both get there. ", its a metaphore, but its probably better said so instead of something catchy and short.
Ive been through a few of the hoops and it was pretty humbling to see that a few of the things I do can work well. Sometimes people ask me how I go about drawing and I say " I stop caring ", its not that I dont care. If I didnt care I wouldnt be drawing, but so far its been the only way I know to describe how I feel when Im drawing. I stop saying " That HAS to go there and this MUST look like this " and simply say " That goes there and that can follow into that. ". I was talking to a friend about how I go about making my drawings, I wanted to say " Well I just draw what I think Im thinking and see where I can go from there, if something looks cool I will take it and move it along with the rest of the picture ", however what I really said was a jumble of stupid words that made no sence. I dont think it helped.
The lecture reminded me that its all in your head, looking at everyone else and trying to be the best will only demoralise me or anyone else who trys. Not only that, but being the best is more of a curse than a blessing. Which is why a couple years back I stoped the senceless praise, its for attention I know, which is why I stoped and started to crit, saying whats good and whats bad. Often giving others new or different ways of looking or trying things. Most of all, being brutaly honest. I dont get much praise, I never have, but when I do it doesnt give me any drive or feeling, I feel nothing from praise. However getting no commentary, posative or negative,being the worst, or the underdog, I feel so much more. It gives me the drive. " No ones commenting. Why? Maybe I should try something different. They liked this, but didnt like that. I liked this but no one else did. " And so on. When no one comments on anything I do, I question why, no responce is just as good as a ton of responces. The only person I should ever copare myself to is myself. I've said these things before, at times its made me look big headed and a know it all. Which I have never proclaimed to be, but if I was I would have said " I knew you was going to say that! ". But each time I realise it, it gets me closer to this golden enlightenment which I can see my own work for what it is and will be, not what it was or what someone else would have made.

Sometimes I forget these things, Ive gone through them before in the past, but I always have to be reminded. Going off track seems very easy. I had also forgotten it is the journey that matters, what I do along the way doesnt matter, but the big picture does. I guess that could be said about alot of things; games, art; life in general; drugs.
The details do not matter. The skeleton matters.
No matter how I look at it, I'm feeling like no matter what I do, it will work out. I'd say its like a glimmer of hope as I climb the worlds darkest/tallest mountain, but it doesnt seem like a mountain and nothing really seems that dark.

Also, I cheered  myself up about my work the other day. " You can polish a turd. So you can make a crap drawing look fucking good! ". This has its positives and negitives. Positive, it looks good. Negative, its still a piece of shit.
I guess its a middle ground.

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